Where is our empathy?

When we are young we are taught; be nice to others; treat others how you would like to be treated: be caring. In other words, we are taught compassion and empathy in its simplest form. But something appears to have gone wrong somewhere. Somewhere we lost the compassion and empathy for victims of certain crimes.

I was upset when I read a recent report from White Ribbon Scotland. They found “1 in 4 young people (16-24 years) believe that a woman is partly responsible for being raped if she is drunk or dressed provocatively.” But sadly, I was not surprised. All too often when there is a story about domestic violence, rape, or sexual harassment, the first questions asked are “why was she there?”, “Why didn’t she leave?”, “How much did she have to drink?”, “What was she wearing?”

Where is our empathy? Our compassion?

When it comes to domestic abuse, rape and other forms of violence, we don’t want to put ourselves in the shoes of the victim because these things are too horrific to imagine. It is easier to separate ourselves from the statistics, from the stories on the news, from the realities of violence against women by identifying ways which the victim is different from you. “I wouldn’t dress that way”; “I don’t drink”; “I don’t walk down that street at night”.

Part of me wishes that I could say that this will keep you safe. But that’s not true. And I truly believe that the way we dress and behave should be motivated, not by fear, but by our personal choice, beliefs and values.

The only way to truly create a safe society for women; for our mothers, our sisters, our friends, is to tackle the REAL cause of rape and other forms of violence against women. Clothing is not the cause of rape. Neither is alcohol. Nor the street you walk down. Rapists cause rape. Just as abusers cause domestic abuse.

And it is these attitudes, these excuses, which give them impunity to do so.

The culture of victim blaming creates a belief that abusers and rapists are not responsible for their actions. What message does this give to victims? It’s your fault! What message does this give to perpetrators? That their behaviour is acceptable to us?! Men should be offended by ideas that rape can be excused because of the woman’s behaviour or appearance. Surely the other side of that coin is saying that men cannot control themselves and they are all monsters whom women need to protect themselves from.  But this is absolutely not true. Crimes of violence against women are perpetrated by a small minority of men.

So let’s put the blame firmly where it belongs. Let’s start reframing our thinking. Let’s start asking the right questions and pointing our fingers of judgement in the correct direction. Let’s send a message that violence against women will not be tolerated in our communities.

Join our campaign for change.

#YouCanChangeThis